What is the Cutest Animal in Alaska?

There are a lot of cute animals. My dog is super cute. My cat is kind of cute but she’s really fat. Don’t make fun of her, she likes to eat! Bears aren’t cute because they’re scary. I think moose look stupid. But I digress. Today’s blog is all about determining the cutest animal in Alaska! 

How do we define cute?

Good question. I’ve never been a cuteness judge but there’s a first for everything. I think cute animals should have big eyes and scrunchy noses. They should also not be capable of eating a human. Let’s just roll with that so we can get on with this thing.

The cutest animal in Alaska competition commences

Animal #1 – Harbor Seal

Just look at this thing. Those doe-like eyes. The whiskers. Harbor seals look like plush toys you cuddle with in bed after a night of clubbing. I really can’t get over how cute this animal is. Harbor seals are cute at all ages and you just want to walk up to one and give it a big hug. Don’t actually do that or that 300-pound ball of cuteness will bite your arm off. Cuteness factor – 17 heart-eyes emojis.

Animal #2 – Pika

Is that some mouse/rabbit hybrid? I don’t know. But I do know it’s cute. These little critters like to scamper about and build nests and do whatever it is pika do. Meanwhile, they always make sure they look as cute as the dickens. Where did that saying “as the dickens” come from? Hold on a sec…..       

I looked it up. It means the Devil. Maybe that pika isn’t as cute as the dickens because the Devil is not cute at all. Let’s say that it’s cute as a baby seal. Cuteness factor – 7,001 Awwwwwwwwws.

Animal #3 – Short-tailed weasel

I never thought of weasels as cute until I saw this photo. Man-o-man that critter is cute. Those eyes are like a doll’s eyes but way less creepy. Short-tailed weasels are related to some other cute animals like the next one on the list. My only beef with this guy is the lack of creativity that went into naming it. Cuteness factor – 1,222 “I can’t even!”s.

Animal #4 – Sea otter

Sea otters are related to weasels. They’re like brothers-in-law or something. Sea otters are cute. I saw some at the zoo in Vancouver and they were just having a good old time playing and eating fish. I could have watched that for days but I would have starved to death. Regular otters are also super cute but I only want one otter on this list so please get off my back about it. Look at this baby otter sleeping on its mother’s belly. If it doesn’t bring a tear of joy to your eye, you have no soul. Cuteness factor – 99 tears of ubridled sobbing joy.

Animal #5 – Arctic fox

Wow. This varmint is cute and majestic. That’s a hard feat to pull off. Foxes look like dogs which makes sense because they’re related to dogs. I think my dog looks like a fox. He acts like a fox when I leave string cheese laying around. Cuteness factor – 1,000 words of affection spoken in baby talk.

And the winner is……

The cutest animal in Alaska is my dog, Rufus! Just look at him! It was never really a contest, was it?

Behold! The cutest animal in Alaska!